Hendrix Swaggar Jacks Tupac

Jimi Hendrix is arguably one of the best musicians of all time, unfortunately his brand has run kinda dry, so he's stolen a page out of Tupac's book and is droppin' a new album from the beyond. Here's the single, which is also the titular track, Valley of Neptune



I hate to say it but I'm hoping this might result in a Tupac/Jimi beef in which they both end up alive, we'll see.

This Offends Me

I was watching the VH1 countdown looking for new music to buy next time I go to starbucks when I saw this video by Train. I think its the most offensive thing to happen to music in 2010 and I don't believe I'm exaggerating.



I'm sure you guys can come up with plenty of inappropriate things in this video but here's a few jus to get you started

the lead singers age
the guitar player has a real guitar strapped to him but he chooses to play the ukulele
shouting out mister mister
dog tags
the fact that if u type start searching the word 'soul' on youtube this is the top hit(Prob. the most offensive of all)
the singer refers to himself as not jus 'gangster' but also 'thug'
and the animation is stolen from a Radiohead project



What type of music offends you?
Are you 40+/some one's mom and this post offends you?
Who besides the Rolling Stones, Radiohead, and ZZ Top should be allowed to make music as middle aged artists?
Are you like me and you think of 'historic erotica' when you hear the term 'soul sister'?
Do I put up to much porno on my blog?

I Think Liz Lee is a Hipster

I watched this show for five minutes and it was all nike dunks, plaid, and indie rock. This girl is so kewl its like her whole life is a music video



But the show's not all just trendy bells and stat. rape whistles, it has a lot of content too. The main character struggles with not "fitting in" and being "different" from all the cool/pretty/rich/blonde/kewl kids. I hope Liz's last year in high school turns out to be a positive experience which she grows from, after all, high school is the most important time of our lives. I'm jus glad mtv stopped making those shitty tween faux reality shows that glorified being rich, blonde, and shallow, I mean, right guys???

New Drink: Titties in the Skyy w/ Diamonds

Let me introduce to you my new segment called "New Drink". Each week, or however often I pull myself out of a hangover, I'll bring to you the premiere adult beverage combination. This week I decided to blow the dust of one of my classics, the Titties in the Skyy w/ Diamonds. Its a bit like a decadent white russian,(via lebowski ballin') but here's the recipe.


1 1/4 oz Kahlua (or Horchata if you're kewl enough to have some)
4 oz Skyy Vodka
2 oz Fresh Breast Milk




So enjoy, drink responsibly, and remember there are plenty of ways to LEGALLY obtain breast milk. Aak me on formspring.me/newdirtybasterd if u want to know more

Here's A Picture Of LisaRaye's Titties

So I'm watching Player's Club (via cheap dvds at the nelsonville gun-store/pawn shop) and I'm thinking rap artists these days are a lot like strippers.







They shamelessly pursue fame and a lifestyle lacking any structure or responsibility while using 'Gettin Money' as a justification for lowering themselves.



Mayb T-Pain wasn't in love with the stripper, but rather the IDEA of the stripper. I realized how similar the plots of Player's Club, and one of my all time favorites, Friday are. Both were written by Ice Cube (a rapper) but Player's Club is about a female over-coming her shame and convictions to perform whatever it takes to 'Get Money'.
On a side note I'd like to see a male rapper based remake of the movie starring lil' wayne as LisaRaye (no homo via not having male nudity but keeping the sportsmen like gay undertones of the locker room and rape scenes)

This is not all rapper's, in fact I think most real artists these days are moving away from this style but the radio and tv isn't. Fuck it tho, thats what makes it good music. Here's a sample, new shit from keyel just dropped earlier today. #keyel2010mix enjoy
http://usershare.net/ue7q7hpmm2ow

Michael Cera is a Fuck Boi

Do i even need to explain this post further?



I saw Youth in Revolt, he played a virgin desperately trying to get laid. Here's one nice thing I'll say about this movie...


very relevant Vamp Week inspired west-coast, cali-alt prep swag. But its not this movie, or Michael Cera the person I have problems with...but rather EVERY movie described as a coming of age film, thats only about being underage cuming and trying to lose your virginity.
I can't relate with a protagonist who is a fuck boy.
Blowing up shit, fucking pastries, going on extensive liquor missions as a minor, and letting yourself be generally used in the hopes of finally getting pussy by women who never will give you the pussy is the fallout of any good hero.
Michael Cera is 21, he's old enough to make it rain superbad money in the strip club, but he's still playing a frail little 16 y/o boy in 2010.

You know what I wanna see? A movie about a shy young girl tryna over come her shyness to finally lose her virginity to her special crush. It'll be 5 mins of movie and then a porno cause she'll instantly get fucked cause she's a girl and not a FUCK BOI like Michael Cera.

Michelle Obama: Mouth, Vag, or Other?

I recently hoped on the Michelle Obama is old but hot as FUCK train, and it got me thinking...A lady as beautiful, sophisticated, and powerful as Michelle couldn't simply be penetrated like any other common woman. Being inside the first lady would be a historic fuck, and it requires a lot of planning ahead. Ultimately I decided on "Other", cause what's cooler than being the leader of the free world? Fucking the Leader's wife in her ass!



But what do yall think? Please leave comments describing to me how you would plow the first lady.

Martha Stewart Strips for Haiti

I was doing knife hits of hash and filling out my census packet this morning when I saw something that offended me. I won't post the video but here's the link NSFW http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/19/martha-stewart-works-the_n_428488.html

I couldn't believe Martha has stooped to such a low at such a trying time. The money she spent on that stripper lesson would've been much better spent on supporting the earthquakes in Haiti. Or better yet, the money collected from people like me watching at home to STOP Martha from stripping could have been made as a donation. Or even better than that, Martha and "the S factor" could've taught every house wife in that audience how to strip, and the money their husbands would've thrown at them in exchange for rare marital sex would've generated enough supplies to end the whole crisis. Com'mon Martha....WTF. I don't know what the Haitians did to her in jail to make her such a cold hearted bitch, but I'm praying for all those poor poor people (via texting PRAY to 505 505 and donating a kind thought to a hungry orphan)

I Think SpongeBob's A Hipster

I mean, the nerd glasses, the shitty job, the meaningless and euphoric existence, his connection with the young people



But I fucks with him, he's on some classic shit too.

That New California Funk

That new Vampire Weekend drops tomorrow, get there.

I Was Gonna Blog Some Shit

It's not often I have a really good idea for a social commentary on the everyday lives of myself and my peers, but I stumbled on one last night. The kind of hot topic that most of ya'll could relate to and probably share a laugh or thought about our existence, in writing on the Internet. But then I got high, like REALLY high. So high I had an even better idea than the first, but then I forgot it, and I can't remember the old one.



So here's some sweet pics of weed budz.










Weed, it's the brandy of vegetation.

This Is A Post About Rap Music

I got a lot of opinions and feelings (no homo) about the state of hip-hop right now, and I'm not gonna voice any of them. I'm jus gonna share how estatic I am over this

as the best possible start for rap music in the year 2010.

Not to dwell in the 90s (with the rest of my generation) but I miss the good ol' days(via gettin old, like the rest of my generation) when the line between cut-throat ganster hiphop and alternative rock was a little more blurry




in 2010 will we see a lot of rap x rock collabos?
is hiphop still dead?
did it have a chance to get mainstream enuff b4 it died (via 2pac)?
r fred durst and method man gonna b old like Run DMC aerosmith someday soon (via now)?
do u guys miss tha 90s like i do?
how many of u kno i took this closing questions gimmick from another alt-blog (via Jackin for Blogs)

All jack-assey blogcasm aside, I love this cover, big up Darren Anthony and the direction the music has been moving (away from) over the past few years.

Recession Ballin'

(That may or may not be Tilla from the Kickdrumz)

We all know the economy extra suxxxx right now, but this is America, and in America we bawl. In fact I'm proud to be an American, in the most bawlin'est country in the world right now (unless you count China, India, United Arab Emirates, Canada, Qatar, Luxembourg, Norway, etc.) Even in a recession we bawl hard, but we must bawl responsibly, and not like drink respoonsibility...for realz this time. The masterminds at NewDirtyBasterds along with help from the Coventry Kids BrainTrust have developed a term for this new wave of pseudo-ballers, or "Senegal Ballers". Its a term influenced by this man



Sudanese rapper Bangs and his og innovator/mentor/Senegal-Baller guru, Chingy



They both come from a long tradition of string-cheese chains, non-new era fitted caps, with matching off brand color coordinated tops and sweat pants. They're an ispiration to us all, showing us you don't need money to give off the impression that you have money.


So shiny, riding on chrome baby.

In times like these it "pays" to be satisfied with what we've got. You don't need a sports car or Denali Truck on 22's to be happy. All I need is my ride, some tunes, and good friends.




Picture me rollin', Rollin with the homies

Can I Find an Organic Brandy???

My body is a temple, and V.S.O.P. runs through my blood like communion.




My last post got me thinking, what can I do to make my congac intake healthier, without lowering my congac intake? We all know Green Monster and cognac has been the favored beverage combination, but after seeing the effects energy drinks have on my stamina (via 5 hour energy crash commercial) and the amount of sugar contained in each can, I've decided I need to sacrifice flavor and tradition, for my health and free-range grapes.



So naturaly I turned to a trusted source for fruits and vegatables.

And that shit was gross. If you're worried about sugars and carbs, you can chase your cognac with apple or cranberry juicey juice, but I've found the healthiest solution is to take it straight, no ice, and guzzle it down as quickly as possible.

To a healthy and happy new year.

Today's Post is Brought to You by the Letters EnJVSOP

A lot of ya'll fuck with that Carlos Rossi (via The Coventry Kids and Eighty81 blipster blog bros)



Download Steph Floss and Jameel Sippin that Rossi mp3


I mean, its a good honest wine at a good honest price, packaged in good honest easy to hold chug-jugs. Carlos Rossi has always endorsed a quality product for the Senegal baller in all of us.



Sometimes I need something a lil' more America ballin', something that's gonna get me a lil' more "fucked up, (via Steve Brule) that's when I turn to E&J.



Brandy is the wine of liquor...that is, it's made from grapes, it's baller as fuck, and it's often paired with cheese.


I only eat runny bacteria if it makes me trip. When I really wanna be on my James Bond steez, I break out the E&J V.S.O.P.



At only $12 a bottle its the Carlos Rossi of liquor (via being owned by the same corporation) So let's get Poed Up.